From the start of our lives, actually before you breathe your first breath, someone (or someones) were putting thought into your name. The importance of your name is bigger than I think we give it. Your parents spent time, had conversations even arguments if you had my parents (who almost got a divorce …) about what your name would be. Your name is the beginning of your identity, whom people will refer to you as, how they will Google you. Your name makes you Unique and Real over simply just: girl, boy, she, he, that person, etc.
I know you’re wondering about the divorce about my birth certificate so I will digress now and come back to my point in a minute. I am the first born in my family. The first grandchild as well. My name was the topic of many discussions before and after my birth. My mother will readily tell you she wanted Margo Jacqueline, hated the name Lesley Michell (pronounced “Michelle”). Longer story about that, too long for this blog, but after much discussions (probably louder than the neighbors preferred), they settled on Morgan Jacqueline Logan. The naming of me was a way for them to connect to me, their unborn child. After a very long, hard, grueling labor (as my mother would tell you) I was born. After days, my father signed the certificate while my mother was still recovering. Lesley Michell Logan. You can imagine my mother’s surprise and desire for separation at the sight of my birth name. To this day, she still reminds me that I can change my name at any time. (Side note: I happen to LOVE my name.) But, I can see how my mother had a hard time connecting to a name she didn’t like. Her connection to the name Lesley wasn’t positive.
When we are dating, hopefully you are having fun and are dating around (note I said dating—not to be confused with sleeping, schtupping, or whoring around). Dating is a two way interview. You are trying your dates on as a partner in crime. Date one, two, five…you are getting to know them, their goals and if they are worthy of calling you their partner. In Sex and the City Carrie used to call her love connection “Mr. Big”. It wasn’t until the very end of the series that we learned his name. We laughed and or made fun of this whole “pet name” for him. But really it’s a useful tool in the dating world. Lady Gaga even named a guy “Nebraska” in her song You and I to keep him anonymous. When you are doing these “first interviews” I feel its important to keep yourself light and having fun. Not immediately connecting yourself into a full on relationship with someone after the first date. Also, when giving the run down of your date/s with your friends a “pet name” is a great way to keep them from being to involved, and you from attaching too much too soon.
My friends growing up had lots of animals on their farm. None except the dogs and cats had names. Why? Because the chickens could become dinner someday…Not that your date is a chicken that could become consumed post date—just that not every date will be someone you want to date again. It’s nice to set boundaries until the date becomes the partner.
How does this work. Well, in my Duty Dating period there was “The Young One”, “The Structure”, “The Lawyer”, “The Comedian”, “The Pilot” and “The Musician”. When I was chatting with my friends, I would use those “names” to refer to them. This kept them anonymous as well. When you’re in the beginning you’re still figuring out how you feel. You are weighing it all out. Nicknames keep it light, fun and take the pressure off. The importance of a persons name makes the relationship more real. Save that for when you want the relationship to be real.