The term “girls’ night out” can bring up a range of images and memories! In my early 20’s girls night was basically heels, tight jeans, great hair and starting out with the girls…then…as the debauchery ensued boys were added to the mix and we may or may not have gone home with the girls we started with. Instead, promises to get home safe, use a condom and call each other in the morning. In my late 20’s girls’ night out was a variety of outfits ranging from work clothes to gym clothes. Drinks were still a constant but the expectation was that we would each be going to our own homes, to our boys and no need to “check in” in the morning. Now in my early 30’s girls nights are just that—girls nights. Attire doesn’t matter, check-in’s unnecessary but the conversation is more of a combo of the early and late 20’s. Drinks and/or fresh juice are ordered in rounds and connecting with women of like minds is so liberating, inspiring and necessary.
But, sometimes the conversation leaves a bad taste. Honesty is good. Wounding each other is not. I am talking more about when you realize that your friends have a distinct difference in perspective on something and it is different from yours. You probably would speak your mind and agree to disagree and then maybe even avoid that topic in the future. All is fine. It really is, in fact it’s healthy to have differing perspective.
Recently I was out having one of these girls’ night outs. I brought up a discussion I had previously with a particular male suitor. I had told him that if he wanted to spend time with me on a Saturday night he needed to ask me out before Saturday night. Preferably before that same Saturday afternoon but why split hairs. My ladies wondered why that mattered. Why did I need this suitor to call me before, he was calling me after all what difference did it make when he called? I did my best to keep my jaw from falling on the floor and breaking. Why is it important to contact me before the evening in question? Respect!! R-E-S-P-E-C-T (yes you can sing that out loud).
If the person calling you last minute is someone you are just hooking up with then absolutely the timing of the call makes no difference. Neither of you are respecting or asking for respect of each other. You’re mutually using each other for a connection and if one of you isn’t free no big deal, one of you will just continue through your contacts and call the next person.
If the person calling you last minute is someone you want to date, have a future anything with…Guess what?! They better be contacting you at least a day or so ahead of time. Asking if you’re free and then the two of you sharpie that date in your schedulers. Or at least ask Siri to put it in your calendar for you. This pre-planning shows several things. 1) Respect! For you and your time. 2) they are thinking of you and looking forward to the next time. 3) They don’t want someone else to snag your Saturday night.
My girls night out friends agreed to disagree. Which is fine. But, I was still bothered. Why? Because I think we have convinced ourselves that we don’t need that courtship or that it doesn’t exist. Or worse doesn’t need to exist. That it’s a fact that men do not contact ahead of time. That we should be the ones that text, call, email, Facebook, tweet them to get them to think of us in hopes that this attempt at connecting will elicit a date. Then we complain that there are no good ones out there. Because of all of this, we also have convinced ourselves that as long as he calls, texts, tweets, what’s app’d us that he’s into us and all is good.
Nope! Wrong! If we want to be treated like the queens we are then we need to act like a queen. Sure, acting like a queen means watching and kicking lots of jester’s to the curb but one day your king—do not settle for a prince!—will show up. Honestly, do you want someone thinking of you because you put yourself in their thoughts?
First steps in declaring your queen-ness and Respecting yourself:
1) do not contact him unless asked to respond. If he wants to call you he will…seriously he’ll make up a reason to call you if he doesn’t have one! Don’t contrive Opportunities.
2) do not jump at every chance to go on a date. Ask yourself is he a king? Hint a king doesn’t call at 8pm Saturday for that evening’s date.
3) Love and RESPECT thyself NOW!
Yep, I only have three tips. Why? Because loving and respecting yourself ensures that you will attract or respond to someone who respects you. I have happily seen my girlfriends move past this evening and now see my point. When you’re Duty Dating or just out having fun then enjoy all that comes with that. But, if you want more, need more…then these tips are for you! I know from experience that this will work.