As the media starts getting you excited about setting resolutions, and even we here at Live ClareLesley give you tips and info, the idea of setting goals can get daunting. You may even become jaded. Ugh, another post on goals. Before you run away and continue doing the same thing you did yesterday, hear me out…
Knowing where you want to go in your life will help you find long term relationship happiness. Yep, it’s true. In fact Steve Harvey and other dating experts even state it. If you don’t know where you want to be in 5, 10 and 15 years how will you know the potential partner or even the partner you are with today and you will be on the same page in 5, 10 and 15 years? Here’s how this works in an ideal situation. Before shacking up, before intertwining calendars, bills and keys. Ask the person you are seeing where they see themselves in 5 and 10 years. If they don’t have goals that far ahead…RUN. If they have them but no road map to get there RUN. If they don’t line up with yours RUN.
Yes, you have to RUN. Why? Because you deserve to be with someone who sees a future and you in it. If they don’t have goals to share with you they are either going no where fast or they DO NOT see YOU in THEIR future. Tough to digest but its the truth. Sorry not Sorry for being so honest but it’s time we all accept this.
Now for Your Goals. Do you have them? Do you know where you want to be in 5 years, 10 years? Are they solidly your goals? Meaning if you start to fall for someone and you hear their goals and they don’t match yours are you ready to change them just to be with someone? If your answer to this last one is yes…DO NOT DATE! You’re not ready.
Part of being ready to be in a relationship is knowing who you are and what you want for your life and your future. If you dream is to have kids, a home and work from home near your family and you meet someone who you’re attracted to and likes you but they want to travel for a living. They do not want kids. Do not lie to yourself. You cannot change someone’s goals later in life. Only they can. Instead..enjoy their company maybe even a friendship but keep yourself free for someone whose future plans run more parallel to yours.
Because this is such a huge topic I want to give you some simple ways to set goals for yourself. Trust me, Clare and I will write more descriptive blogs on goal setting. For now here’s a way to start dating with your future in mind.
Easy Tips to Set your goals:
1) Picture who you want to be in 10 years: Where do you want to live? Work? Do you have kids? Pets etc?
2) Set goals working backwards. What do you have to do in 10 years to achieve this picture? What about in 8, 5, 3 and 1 year? Think of the picture like a cake covered in icing and ready to be served at a party. Then your 10 year goals would be the icing and decorations. 8 year goals would be removing from the oven. 5 year goals would be mixing all the ingredients, prepping the oven. 3 year goals would be all the ingredients laid out. 1 year would be you researching the best recipe… following me yet?
3) Write them down and share them with your close friends to hold you accountable when you start to make up reasons why someone could still fit with that picture.
1) Ask your date what their goals are! No, its not weird. You just say “So, what are you most excited about next year? Oh is that something you plan on doing for a long time? Here’s what I plan on doing when I’m….” See not weird. It’s called “making conversation” and “getting to know someone”
2) Share yours
3) Be honest with yourself
4) Love yourself enough to be honest
5) Do not be afraid to be alone. You won’t be. You deserve to be in a long lasting happy wonderfully matched relationship. That will only happen if you have your goals and you date someone whose goals fit.
Ok, so what if you’re already in a relationship? Well, hopefully you have already communicated your future plans. But, if not as a couple, set some goals together. What do you both like doing? Where do you want to go? I found myself in a relationship where our goals just didn’t line up. Was breaking up easy? Nope! But, honestly it was the right thing to do. Afterwards I sat myself down. Wrote out my hearts desires and didn’t settle until I met my goal match. Do we have the same exact goals. No…I am a Pilates instructor he isn’t. But do we want the same things in life? Yes! How did we get here? We shared our goals for our future before we did the relationship thing… It sounds crazy to you now. But what if we all started doing this? What if every single person started dating to find their future mate instead of finding someone to attach themselves to? Maybe if more people started dating this way this idea wouldn’t sound so crazy?!
Go set your goals, then find your match