I am lucky to work with people on a daily basis. Actually an hourly basis. I hear their joys, wows, and the dreaded “I can’t…” I don’t mind a good mental download. Sometimes you just have to unload. But, how many times have you had the dame complaint? How many times have you complained about that today or this week? Even worse or even how many years have you had the same complaint?
I have caught myself playing the complaint game, many times. Woe-ing over what is happening with a certain person, place, or thing. Acting as if it is all happening to me, personally. That I have no control over any of it. But, then the Universe, or Clare, or my Husband knock some good loving sense into me. They help me see the big picture, or the other side to the story. With this new adjusted view, I actually have to let go of said complaint and own my role in the situation. When I step back I see that I have to then control my control-ables.
I know, I just made that seem easy-peasy. Truth… it’s not so easy to let go over the issue that is bothering you. For example, a friend of mine years ago and I both worked together. He would complain on the daily and sometimes find me a few times in one day to complain about his job. First, it was too easy, then too boring. Then his company wanted him to do things he was uncomfortable with or he didn’t feel was in his job description. Next, he would complain the job was suffocating him. For months I had to listen to his complaining. Until, one day I didn’t.
I grabbed his shoulders in a loving way. Looked him in the eye and said: “This isn’t the only job in the world. If it’s not lighting your fire then go, find a job that does. But for heavens sake, and my ears, do not let another negative thing about your job come out of your mouth. You do not have to do this job.”
He was shocked. I was too. It was the first time I took someone and was so direct; I could have lost our friendship all together. Or worse, been head butted!Of course after this harsh reality check, I hugged him and told him I loved him no matter what. But, he is the only one who can make himself happy. No job would.
You are the only one who can make you happy.
A week later he had made a decision to leave the job. It’s been 3 years since his decision and, I have to say, he looks happier with every year. His last day he almost floated out to his car. Did I miss working with my friend on the daily? Yes. But did I really miss the friend he was when he was working with me? NOPE! Our friendship is even better now. He took ownership over his own life. He went on a path truer to him and his goals.
You can too! I know you think it’s too late, too much money, or you’re too invested in the path you are on. Go read Clare’s Blog on her feelings about the usage of the word “too.” But seriously, we are living longer and longer these days. Don’t you want to? It’s been proven more times than Google has pages, that happier people live longer and healthier lives. If you’re unhappy ask yourself why. Then take changes to turn that frown upside down.
If you’re job is causing you stress, angst, displeasure:
- What exactly is the stressor?
- Can you pinpoint it? Narrow it down to one or two or three things.
- If its your commute then you don’t need to change your job. Change the commute or how you spend time commuting.
- If it’s your co-deskmate ask you boss to switch your desk, or invest in the top of the line headphones and rock on (or not but let people think you are).
- Boss…what about your boss? Is it how they talk to you? How they treat you? Or just that you have a boss? If it’s how they talk to you go to HR. Or have a meeting with them, and politely express how they are making you feel. Bosses can often change too. If you just don’t like working for a boss then take the steps to work for yourself!
If the stress is coming from a relationship with a friend, family member, or significant other, figure out:
- Is it how they treat you? Just be straight up. Tell them: When you say or do this _______ it makes me feel like this______. If they don’t get it, understand what you’re saying, or refuse to change, then you can remove yourself from the situation for a time period.
- Is it how they treat themselves. Tell them! Seriously, people put themselves down all the time and it can be so hard to stand next to that. What kind of friend are we if we don’t help them see how awesome they are!
Maybe it’s your home, apartment or car:
- What exactly is it about your abode that you don’t like? If you really sit down and think about it, maybe a new rug or lamp will fix the inside. Or a quick search online you might find your perfect haven. If the problem is larger, work out what you might need to do to fix your frustration with your living situation. Sitting around complaining about it and doing nothing to change it seems pretty silly don’t you think? Unless you do something to change your situation, nothing will change.
If something is bothering you, or you hear yourself on repeat, figure out exactly what is the bother. Narrow it down. Then, ask yourself if it’s something you can fix or if you need to make a get away plan. You are (or should be) the conductor of your train. Take back the control. Stop relinquishing it by blaming another person, place or thing. Go and do!
I am currently taking steps to rid a complaint from my life. The moment I made my game plan the moment a felt a huge weight off my shoulders and have found excess time in my busy schedule. I want that for each of you. Please feel free to share your experiences with Clare and me, either in the comments, or email us. We’d love to help you rid that woe.
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Photo Credits: Alan Cleaver (stress eraser), Bernard Goldbach (eggs), !unite (strongman).