Goals Update 2016–#15 Clare

Finance:

 Sadly I have done nothing this week. 

Fitness:

I have done everything this week!  Swimming, tap class, jogging,  sun salutations. I’m also looking at foods I eat. I eat some junk. Maybe it’s time to cut that in half. 

Organization:

I’ve started to pull out summer clothes. Going through it as I switch over. Get rid of stuff.  

Book:

I emailed copy editors. Haven’t heard back. I also got formatting info on the pages–need to sit down and do it.  

Agent:

Sent post cards and submissions. 

Who’s on Your Team?

Not sure if I have share this before but I was raised by an athlete. His father also an athlete. I don’t know much actually pretty much anything about my great grandfather but I imagine he played something. You don’t raise a son to get into professional baseball before World War 2, without some love for sports. My father’s love of sports was passed on to my siblings and me. We were on basketball, baseball/softball, volleyball and track teams. This is not a just a sports post. I promise. It’s instead a post looking at what can we creatives learn from those who are on Teams?

Let’s get past the workouts or the games. Let’s simplify it. No athlete is without a team. Even golfers. Some would say they are a team of 1. But, get past what you see on the course. They have a caddy, they get advice from their caddy. They have a coach. They have trainers. They have people they golf with. They have a team too!

We all have a team. We may not know it. Or we even may think we can do anything all by ourselves. But the saying it’s “lonely at the top” exists because it’s true. There are some things attainable all on your own. But, when you’re there who will you celebrate with?

My goal for this blog is to:

  1. Recognize you are not alone
  2. Help you take stock of the teamates you have
  3. Make changes if necessary
  4. Show you how to take on your goal with your team

First, you are not alone. There are many people out there trying to achieve their bliss. Even if you are a freelance copy writer who works at a coffee shop, a stay at home mom, or starting your own business–you are not alone. There are lots of people also working at that coffee shop. If you think “But Lesley, I work best by myself.” Well, ok…but who do you bounce your ideas off of? I bet it’s not the wall in front of you. I bet you call someone, text someone, read something. You are not in a vacuum no matter how much you desire to be.  Who are these people?


Second, who are the teamates you have. Since many of you proabably have not thought about those around you this is a good time to take out a sheet of paper and write down those you spend time with. Those who you work together with, open up to, get advice from, love, respect. Even those you don’t enjoy much as a person but you know the two of you get great work done. Who are these people?

When I first thought about this I was amazed at the players I already had. I couldn’t believe I was going through my projects, working my plan and not recognizing the coaches, players, scouts and more I already had. Clearly they knew we were on this team. I finally opened my eyes up.

I have my husband, my pilates instructor, my trainer, Clare, a few teachers whose questions inspire me to do more. Clients who don’t even realize that the things they share are little seeds of information for which I can grow blogs, workshops and my “notes 2 inspire.” I have my running partner who gets me going on days I would rather sleep a few extra minutes.

My teammates have changed over the years. I also know just like in sports some of my teammates will be traded or retire. This is not a bad thing. As we have discussed in Breaking up with Friends and First Kiss some people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Some of my past coaches became great teammates and now just great friends. Not kicked off the team. They just moved from being on the roster with me to being in the bleachers ready to cheer me on and go out after a long days work for a drink to enjoy life with.

Which brings me to #3: Make changes if necessary.  Don’t be afraid to let a teammate go. Maybe you’ve been keeping a friend on the bench with you but really they should be in the bleachers. As Lewis Howes states in his book the “School of Greatness,” we are the average of those we spend our time with.


This whole post was inspired by this thought. We are the average of those we surround ourselves with. Who is on our team? Do they inspire you to do more? Do they make sure feel one upped? Who will you keep and who will you put to the side?

I know that can sound harsh. Maybe someone has been your friend your entire life. Maybe it’s a sibling. I’m not saying you cut them off from your life. Just that you recognize their role in your life.

Take a look at your new team. Share your goals and desires with them. As a team get clear on your vision. Create a plan, re-assess  regularly. You are not alone. Your path to your success is a journey for you and your team.

Go Team!

xx~LL

Goals 2016 #15 LL

One of my big goals for 2015 was getting into Vintage Pilates “The Work.” It’s an incredibly tough program to get into and then even tougher once you are in it.

I practiced weekly. Every single week of 2015. I told every teacher I was working with about my desire to get into the program. I was one of almost 60 people from around the world to audition. I found out just before Thanksgiving that I was one of 12 people to get in. YAAS!!!

This past couple weeks I have been living, breathing and sweating Pilates. Not that I don’t usually. Just that these last couple of weeks was our second round of “The Work” classes. Hours of learning, strengthening, moving and more.

I have never had some much fun learning before. I’m making a personal note to myself (and sharing with you all) that I must make conscious effort to choose goals that not only challenge me but I can have fun doing them.

Next up is continuing a 2016 goal. Staying in the program. I have a few months until I assess for the third part of this year long program. If you need me I’ll be on the Cadillac!

xx~LL

Goals Update 2016–Clare #14

Whoops!!! I had a BUSY week and I didn’t fill you in!!

Finance:

I’m getting info from a second debt consolidation place this week… I’m not sure about the first one.

Fitness:

ALL of the working out this week… but missed tap class.  But its been so beautiful I went for a few walks in the park in addition to swimming and sun salutations!

 

Organization:

Took a week off…

Book:

Sent emails to copy editors… both are busy, so I might be looking for additional help.  I need to get this sucker out there!

Agent:

Took a class and sent out a submission!

Goals 2016 #14 LL

Alright, confession time! I’ve been super on top of some goals and absolutely postponing others.

On top of:

  • Pilates Biz
  • Pilates Coaching Biz
  • Workouts
  • Consolidation of stuff

Pushing to the side/Procrastinating:

  • Savings plan
  • Researching
  • Stomach issues

To be completely honest it is not that I haven’t been working on these things. I look at them on my Omnifocus regularly. Just that I either don’t have all the tools I need or can’t tackle the thought of it yet.

My savings plan has been tough since I am fully working for just myself. It’s hard to know how much money is coming in this month vs next month. Plus, I am trying to payoff a credit card by August. I have decided that until I pay off that card my savings plan might not be exactly what I want.

Researching has mostly been because I cannot commit to what topic I want to look into. I am easily distracted.

My stomach issues: I know this sounds like something not to postpone. Trust me I have not been avoiding it. I am in this insurance limbo. I will lose my old insurance and then can sign up for new insurance. So, until then I am doing different things to try to figure this gut out myself. I am starting a “stomach reset” and will update you when it’s over.

I know this is a longer update. However, I wanted to share with you all that sometimes you just can’t get to it all. Also, I have decided that I will not judge myself for not getting these things in order yet. Just acknowledging them and doing my best is also progress. It’s progress not perfection dear readers.

xx~LL

 

Goals update 2016–#13 Clare

Finance:

Honestly, I keep taking steps toward helping myself and then just looking at the solutions. The next few weeks slow down for me, so I’m going to make myself sit down and consider all viable options. 

Fitness:

6 sun salutations every day (going to 7 next week). Lemon water every day. 

Bought veggies and cut them up and put them on the front of my fridge shelf so they’ll be the first snack I reach for first. 

Swam 45 min on Monday. 

Tap class for 90 min Wednesday. 

Heading to cycling class now! 

Organization:

I’m tackling my email inbox this week–unsubscribing from junk mail!! 

Book:

On my to do list to format and check in with my copy editors next week.  

Agent:

Acting class tonight!  Doing a lot of networking lately. Singing in a cabaret next weekend! 

No is a Muscle

We all hate to hear the word No. In fact some of us hate it so much that we can’t even say it. Instead, we say Yes and then regret it later. We tell ourselves that “next time will be different.: Or, we “just got to get through this and then it’ll be fine.” Or worse…”people won’t like me if I say No.”

Toddlers have zero trouble with saying No.  They latch on to it and say it over and over again. As teenagers we have zero trouble telling our parents No. But somewhere post the terrible two’s and puberty we lose our ability to mouth the word out loud.

Sure, we say it in our brain. We say it to ourselves. We tell ourselves no so much that we do anything for everyone and almost nothing for ourselves. Then we are left feeling battered, beat and lost.

 As a Pilates instructor I typically only make money when I say yes to teaching a client. Anytime I say no or “I can’t” (a no phrase), I am basically saying no to money–That’s a pretty powerful no! When I first became and instructor I would say “yes” a lot. I was teaching super early in the morning. I was teaching late at night. I had a schedule that looked like a block of swiss cheese. That lasted about a few weeks maybe a month until I realized that if I wanted to continue my dreams as an instructor, Rock my bliss, I had to start exercising my no muscle.

I was listening to an episode of Danielle Laporte and Linda Sivertsen‘s podcast. They were interviewing an author. She talked about saying no. In fact she said “No, is a muscle.” In my brain as soon as I hear muscle I think 1) You must work it out to strengthen it 2) You must use it! Because if you don’t use it you lose it. The “it” in that sentence is you, and your desires.


Danielle and Linda asked her how she strengthened her No muscle. Her response was something we all can relate to. She was afraid to say no because she was afraid people wouldn’t like her. When asked what happened when she said no, she responded “people were upset and didn’t like it.” Then she said, what I think is the most important benefit of a strong No muscle: “By saying no to them I had more time to do the things that were important to me.” When you say no to something or someone you are leaving a space, time and energy to say Yes to YOU!

We don’t have endless hours in a day. We don’t have endless energies. I am not saying practice saying no to any request that comes your way. However, it’s time to dust that word off. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to.


Wondering when to say No and when to say Yes? Here’s a checklist for you to try out. You may even add to it:

  • Is this request taking time away from my dreams?
  • Will this task teach me something that is in line with my desires?
  • Am I truly helping them by doing this for them? Or, would it be better if they asked someone else who truly cared about their desires as much as they do?
  • Will I regret saying Yes?

You don’t have to just say No and run away. You can say “I cannot do ____ but try so and so or such and such. I think you’ll see that’s a better match.” In life, you will have to say no from time to time. Make sure that you’re not saying No to the person who matters most: YOU.

xx~LL

 

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Goals 2016 #13 LL

I’m diving into my business. Well I have always been diving. But! This week major stuff is brewing.

My “Notes 2 Inspire” list is growing as are the subscribers on my site. I’ve been hoping to get some more followers on my social platforms and finally all the seeds I had been planting are blooming. Sort of like SPRING!

So, with all this growth I am sitting down and digging in. I’m working on developing some more workshops, filming them and getting them in the pipeline for people to enjoy!

Gotta go work my loves!

xx~LL

7 Ways to Get Through Professional Loss

Within ten days, I lost a gig making a nice pile of money, and I lost a role that I thought was mine.  It was a rough week–two separate losses that I was not expecting but had planned on. I could have gone into a very dark corner and stayed there for a bit; weeks; months. I could have taken both inward and beaten myself up; berated myself with asking: why?

Truthfully, I feel mildly like a child complaining that “its not fair” what happened to me.  I’m frustrated that things didn’t go my way.  But after crying over one, and stamping my feet over the other, I came to the conclusion:  these things weren’t meant to happen for me.  I took a deep breath, released my frustrations and moved on.


Seriously, this overwhelming sense of calm came over me both times, and I realized that no matter how much I wanted these situations to happen, no matter how much I wanted this role and this job, no matter how big they were in my brain, neither one is meant to be mine.  Neither one is meant for me.  My time is to be spent elsewhere.  The thought that  I’m not meant to be (for you Hamilton fans) “in the room where it happens” is frustrating because I had been planning on both of these activities for a few months, plans were made around them. Obviously, I was not living in the moment and counting my chickens before they hatched. But, to quote Robert Blake, sometimes “the best laid plans of mice and men go awry.”  Or maybe they weren’t the “best” plans.


Part of the reason I felt release from these disappointments go because although I wanted both situations to be in my favor, it truly feels like neither is the right direction for me to move in.  I cried about not getting the role–I wanted it; I had been talking to one of the producers for about a year and a half about playing this role and was over the moon when I was asked to audition for the role. And I suffered panic and confusion for about an hour over the gig–I wasn’t able to work because I was short a qualification and I sent emails back and forth trying to figure out how to rectify the lack. Neither, although both I want terribly, are the way I’m supposed to travel in my life.


Its an interesting feeling, because once I came to terms with both of these adjustments in my life, I feel better.  I don’t feel bitter or angry.  I’m not trying to bargain to get back what I feel I’ve lost.  I’m not crying anymore–I did over the role for about three hours, but I’m a highly emotional being… it makes me a great actress.  I’m at peace.

How did I get there–actually I didn’t know.  Loss of something is hard. Loss of something you know is yours, is even harder. But as I wrote this blog, I realized, these were my steps:

  1. Be Upset.  Seriously.  When I found out, I called my mother, who told me it was ok to cry about my loss.  But I could cry about it that day, and then I had to move on.  I was given the permission to be upset, and a time limit for my grief.  Now, I realize this time limit thing doesn’t always work for everyone, but it really helped me.  I cried it out and was done.
  2. Breathe.  This is usually my step one, but you need to get the bad stuff out before you can take the good in.  Deep breaths help you remember that you’re still alive; that you’re still able to do many things.  True this didn’t work out.  True you wanted it.  But you’re still breathing.  Hear Viola Davis tell you: you is kind, you is smart, you is important.
  3. Take a minute.  Its ok to just chill out and just go through the motions of your days for a bit.  Get back to a stasis and an unheightened state of emotions.
  4. Tell yourself you’re going to be ok.  Keep telling yourself this.  There is some reason you’re not supposed to be headed down that path–and whatever it is, I’m sure its a good reason. 
  5. Look forward.  This step might come a few days or weeks after loss, FYI.  What can you do next?   What is the next step?  What is it that you needed out of the situation that you didn’t get?  (One of mine was money, the other was getting to fulfill a dream.  So for me–What other ways can I make money and what are other dreams, or other ways I can complete this dream?)  Is this the right direction, or should you head in a different one?
  6. Look backward.  Wait on this step until you’re emotionally clear–note you’re not allowed to beat yourself up with this step–its introspection only.  Was there anything you could have done differently?  Was there anything you can still do?  (Also make sure you’re not pathetic about it.  Needy and pathetic won’t get you far.)  Chances are you couldn’t have done anything differently–but note ways you could be more concise in the future.
  7. Make a new plan.  Do you want to head in the same direction?  Do you want to try a completely different goal?  For me, I’ll always keep auditioning–that part will come around again.  For the money, I’m realizing I’ll be alright with out the extra income, and I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with my finances with out the extra padding.

When faced with loss, you have to keep living.  You have to keep going.  Don’t let loss cripple you.  Take time to mourn, of course, but don’t let it be the anchor around your neck. Sometimes loss makes us refocus.  Sometimes loss saves us from ourselves.  Don’t harp on the past–instead take this lesson and move forward.  We only have control over the present.  Make it count.

Good luck!

–Clare

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Goals Update 2016 #12 Clare

Fitness:

I’m switching it up and putting fitness first, because I’m proud of myself!!  

–6 sun salutations every day

–swam 45 min Monday

–90 min tap class Wed

–cycling class today

I’ve put tap in my calendar, and plan to go each week. Im also planning on doing this plan every week–it alternates workouts so I won’t get bored AND I have built in accountability with each!  

I’m also drinking a glass of water with the juice of a whole lemon every morning.  Realkalining!   

Finance: 

Super busy at work but sadly it doesn’t help that I can internet shop. I need to figure out a better way to halt that. 

Organization:

I’ve gone through almost all of my drawers and have donated lots of clothes to Goodwill!

Book:

Same.  

Agent:

I sent out so many postcards last week. Walking in a submission to a casting director today. Doing email submissions to agents this weekend. 

*Following my heart breaking week where I didn’t get a dream role, I also lost a different project. I’m convinced that something AMAZING is coming.