2016 Goals Update #3 Clare

Financial responsibility AND finding a workout routine!

Exercise for purchases!! Worked it out with my Financial Coach today that I need to feel my purchases and not just in my wallet. I was walking by a store that had a knockoff brand that I LOVED 10 years ago. When I didn’t need to be a human turtle and carry everything with me and on my back. Daily. In other words it wasn’t practical. But, I reasoned with myself, it was cheap. I realized two things in this moment:
1) Impulse purchases and low dollar items are what are my downfall.
2) If I attach a physical responsibility to my monetary want, do I still want it? As in, was the bag worth $10 AND 10 push ups. Nope.  My desire to own that goes away.

Ok, I realize this isn’t the complete answer to my work out issue, or to my financial issue, but its maybe a step in the right direction.

Focusing on my relationship with myself:

I haven’t touched on this one yet in my updates–partially because I sort of do it and don’t know I’m doing it.  However, I should report.  It is now a habit to have face time, as in be in the same location with, a friend.

LL and I are picking books for our podcast that are in the personal growth/self-help arena, and I’m focusing on other things in my life that make me stronger as a single person.  So I’ll be a part of a pair, not a half a person until I find someone.

Cleaning and Organizing:

I went through a lot of papers that were just sitting around my room.  I often times open mail, and keep the part that is important and then “refile” it in my room in a pile.  I need to figure out a better way to do this… if you have a good idea on filing papers that I just need to look at in a week or so when I have time to actually read them, and them will toss or actually file them, please leave a comment or email your suggestion to liveclarelesley@gmail.com

 

2016 Goals update #2–Clare

My relationship with money:

I’ve got a note pad page on my phone and I’m noting everything I spend.  UGH.  I HATE writing down every purchase.  I feel like it might be easier if I just walked down the street tossing coins like rose petals.  This is a blindfold removed from my eyes.  Grace says to spend normally so we can analyze… but its really hard.  I’ve stopped myself a few times when I should have spent something.

Finding an exercise routine I can stick with:

A lovely reader suggested I put exersizes on slips and draw them from a jar. Which sounds fun…but I haven’t done it yet. I also look across to Central Park (I live around the corner, not ON the park) and think: ooh the blizzard left some snow, that would be fun to run in…but I haven’t yet–I talk myself out of it thinking of the cold and the wet.  I’ve realized that I need to keep myself accountable in the health and exercise world. So, I need to pencil in time to do that AND/OR have an exercise buddy–LL and The Husband did this, and they RAVE about it, they even make it happen while on vacation.. but I don’t even have a regular routine for anything in my life. The closet thing is morning coffee… but even that varies some days.

I miss living near my friend Bryan–I literally walked uphill in the snow to go to the gym with him, a few times a week. It was great because we would get on the treadmill and gab–so 30/45min would go by and I didn’t realize it.  I kept that up for a couple months.

I really WOULD love suggestions!!

Book Publishing:

One step forward, two steps back, is what this project feels like at the moment.  I just want to get it DONE!!  Working on finding copy editors… if you know of anyone who works cheaply and is good, please leave a comment or email me their info!!  liveclarelesley@gmail.com

Finding an agent:

Took an acting class this week and met a casting director of a theater I really admire.  It went well. So fingers crossed. Signed up for another acting class next week!

This week was harder than the last… but the second week of anything usually is… breathing and powering forward.  Its too early for a Trough of Sorrow!!

 

 

2016 Goals update #1 Clare

My relationship with money:

Ugh. My friend Grace has offered to be my financial coach for the year. For January I’m writing every purchase and outgoing amount of $$ down. Already I’m a kid who doesn’t want to go to school about this. I’m not liking what I see. Telling myself that Future Clare is very happy to be debt free.

Finding a workout regimine I can stick to:
I went to my friend Michael’s spin class. My first spin class ever. Stay tuned for that blog…I still can’t tell you an answer if I actually liked it or not. It’s not a daily or weekly thing for me.  Maybe monthly.  But I am inspired to try out new classes or workouts that I hadn’t previously thought that I would like.

Publishing my book:
I found a graphics person for my novel cover and set her to work. Still trying to get help through GoFund Me. Have done a lot of research on self publishers.

Overall I’m feeling hopeful and still feeling abuzz about my goals!

 

 

 

How to Survive your own personal hell

I, as my title states, have been suffering in a level of hell that I might wish on my worst enemy, but never on anyone I care even the smallest amount about. I am a caring person that always helps others, or this is what I believe about myself and try to achieve. Most of my friends are willing to help me as well, emotionally and literally. However, this realm that I have found myself in, these past few weeks has been horrific on so many levels. And asking for help is almost as painful as suffering alone.

Unfortunately, human beings find ourselves in moments like this, a lot.  Breakups, job changes, situations ending, body failings, even death.  When things come up unexpectedly, or even if expected, when they aren’t easily fixed or handled, life is rough.  My recent hell: I found myself in a living situation that was immeasurably frustrating. Without going into exact detail, the building I was living in had become unlivable.  I tried to find solutions and to fix the issue, but to no avail. It seems like I spent hours and hours brainstorming how to deal with the situation, cleaning, packing, throwing things away, and being in discussion with my roommate and with others on finding solutions on how to live better. I tried to figure out how to fix it—which was so frustrating, being a person that finds solutions and executing them fearlessly—I could not fix this. Many nights, many days, were spent in tearful frustration.  I ended up taking the option that I didn’t want to take–I decided to move out. Moving is stressful in itself–and for those of you who have been following us for a while, it has only been a year since I last moved.  I realized getting out of my bad situation, and giving myself a fresh start was the best option.

There are no distinct ways to get through a crisis. Every crisis is different. Every one has its own difficulties. No one but you, while inside the crisis, can understand your feelings. And its frustrating because you know you can get through, but you don’t know how, or when, and it feels like it will never be over.  People are somewhat empathetic, because they have on some level, experienced something like your pain. Everyone will try to help.  Some people will just be terrible to you.  Some will want to help, but will feel like they cannot for whatever reasons. And sadly, although the help is wanted, it is never enough to salve whatever wounds are there.  Just remember that everyone is suffering something, so do your best to be kind.

Over the last few weeks, some sound bites have come into my head. Quotations and mantras seem to get me through, even more than asking for help. Because, the quiet, the solace, the calm, has to come from within. Breathing may be difficult, but you’re the only one who can control that. So it is up to you to keep breathing and keep moving on.

Everything will turn out alright in the end. If everything is not alright, it is not yet the end. –The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel you shout, but you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out, and those mistakes you made, you’ll just make them again, if you only try turning around.—Anna Nalick

The fault is not in our stars…, but in ourselves…—Julius Caesar

These have helped me. I go back to these. And that I WILL survive this. I have survived a great many things worse and equal to this, and I will survive this.  I have moved before.  I do have friends; I can ask for help; crying never killed anyone.  There are solutions–none are perfect–but they are there.

The only thing I can offer you, is empathy, and sound bites. You will find some kind of solution to your crisis. It will end eventually—it might not be the perfect way, but it will lead you on to the next chapter in your life.

  
Here are some thoughts:

  • Figure out the worst possible outcome and understand what will happen.   Most crises do not end in death. So you’ll get through.
  • Find a safe solace for yourself—and not one that is substance related. Meditation, yoga, deep breaths on a park bench. Make your safe place accessible, and go there any time you start to panic.
  • Come up with mantras, or quotes, or sayings. Listen to those. Hold tight to those. Even if they’re the most ridiculous. And if one doesn’t work for you, throw it out (In times like these, I loathe: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Its true, but I don’t need to be reminded of that.)
  • Find a treat for yourself. As in, when this is over, I’ll go have the best massage that I can afford. (Which is what I intend to do.)
  • For. Help. NO one minds. And if they do, then find someone else. Even strangers are willing to help. Every human experiences crisis at sometime or another. If people can help, they will. You might be strong enough, but get help.
  • A deep breath helps with so much.
  • Laugh! A good laugh is just as cleansing as a deep breath. Keep laughing and keep breathing.

I will survive my crisis. You will survive yours.

Clare

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