He broke up with me twice before our first date. Yep, he did. The Man who I call my Love; we have a very interesting dating story. We share our dating story often. It’s a unique. It’s totally us and one we also hope inspires others. Someday I’ll share the whole story with you. Today I’m sharing a detail. A tidbit if you will. Something you can take with you and use.
During our transition from “the musician” and “the Pilates instructor” there was a long discussion. Well, to be honest every meeting included long discussions where we talked about our pasts, our wants, needs, desires…lives. But there was one pivotal conversation that changed everything. One in which took us apart for about 10 days then brought us together. Closer than ever.
Last week, Clare wrote about being Straightforward when you start dating. This week I want to talk about moving that relationship forward in a similar way. My Love and I were at my place on our Thursday night weekly hang. He started the conversation. I sat there and listened. I learned all the things he liked about me. My dearest readers let me tell you. I love hearing this about me that someone likes or enjoys. However, It’s not easy to hear things people like about you while they are also ending things with you. I mean picture this scene: My bohemian meets mid century apartment. Chai Latte’s in hand and his loveable PitBull in my lap. Hanging out on the carpet talking about the weeks thoughts. When he announced that he didn’t want to lead me on. Before I could respond he began to list in detail everything about me that he liked. Everything! From how I was a Coach but I didn’t “coach” him, how I didn’t contact him. My “love languages” are ‘touch’ and ‘words of affirmations’. Very similar to his. How he liked that. Since having similar love languages means we can understand how each other communicates love. But…
Another day I’ll tell you what happened after “But.” For now, I want to share with you how I dates. How I acted and reacted. What I learned though during this conversation from him I had always believed and coached my clients and friends on:
- Do not text, call, FB, tweet etc: if they want you they will call you. If they aren’t that’s your answer.
- Do not wait: for those of you sitting there shaking your head at me because someone in your life just isn’t ready. Sure, anything is possible but better for you to go on with your life and if they’re lucky you’ll still be around. But you wait for no one.
- Wait for commitment or at least 90 days: trust me! Think about that last time or times you didn’t. Later finding out things you didn’t like about s person. Sex makes you feel things that just are not what a relationship is based upon. Steve Harvey even compares this to jobs. No company gives you benefits without waiting 90 days. Why is it ok that we have to prove ourselves to an employer to earn the benefits but in life we just give them away?
- Texting does not a relationship make. My Love would call me all the time before we got together. We rarely texted only. People can copy and paste texts all day long. Conversations are unique.
- You’re Amazing. If someone doesn’t see that then let them be on their way.
He and I sat for a couple hours while he told me all the things he liked about me. I sat there. I listened.
Finally after some thought I said “stop liking me so much, it’s freaking you out”. The next day he called me. In that conversation I told him “I’m amazing, hopefully I’ll still be available when you figure yourself out (I may have said. Sh*t out). There were other things mentioned that I’ll save for another day (or you can hear from him in a podcast that’s about to air). I gave him things to think about but I never waited. Was I angry? Yes. Was I hurt? Of course, I cared about him. I always had since I met him wanted us to be something someday. But, I didn’t wait for him before and I certainly wasn’t about to text, call, email spend hours wondering, wishing or hoping. Of course I did in the moment wish and want some things. But, I always lived my life. Followed my bliss. I couldn’t worry during those 9 months between us meeting and getting together what he was thinking. I dated and had fun doing it.
Always remember: It’s your life. When you live your life the way you want, when you love yourself for who you are that will attract the right partner for you. My dears please do not sit around waiting for the person to call you, text you or be “ready.” No waiting dating.
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