How to Let It Go

I am lucky to work with people on a daily basis. Actually an hourly basis. I hear their joys, wows, and the dreaded “I can’t…” I don’t mind a good mental download. Sometimes you just have to unload.  But, how many times have you had the dame complaint? How many times have you complained about that today or this week?  Even worse or even how many years have you had the same complaint?

I have caught myself playing the complaint game, many times. Woe-ing over what is happening with a certain person, place, or thing.  Acting as if it is all happening to me, personally. That I have no control over any of it.  But, then the Universe, or Clare, or my Husband knock some good loving sense into me.  They help me see the big picture, or the other side to the story.  With this new adjusted view, I actually have to let go of said complaint and own my role in the situation.  When I step back I see that I have to then control my control-ables.


I know, I just made that seem easy-peasy.  Truth… it’s not so easy to let go over the issue that is bothering you.  For example, a friend of mine years ago and I both worked together. He would complain on the daily and sometimes find me a few times in one day to complain about his job.  First, it was too easy, then too boring.  Then his company wanted him to do things he was uncomfortable with or he didn’t feel was in his job description.  Next, he would complain the job was suffocating him.  For months I had to listen to his complaining.  Until, one day I didn’t.

I grabbed his shoulders in a loving way.  Looked him in the eye and said: “This isn’t the only job in the world. If it’s not lighting your fire then go, find a job that does. But for heavens sake, and my ears, do not let another negative thing about your job come out of your mouth. You do not have to do this job.”


He was shocked.  I was too.  It was the first time I took someone and was so direct; I could have lost our friendship all together.  Or worse, been head butted!Of course after this harsh reality check, I hugged him and told him I loved him no matter what. But, he is the only one who can make himself happy.  No job would.

You are the only one who can make you happy. 

A week later he had made a decision to leave the job.  It’s been 3 years since his decision and, I have to say, he looks happier with every year.  His last day he almost floated out to his car.  Did I miss working with my friend on the daily?  Yes.  But did I really miss the friend he was when he was working with me?  NOPE!  Our friendship is even better now.  He took ownership over his own life. He went on a path truer to him and his goals.

You can too!  I know you think it’s too late, too much money, or you’re too invested in the path you are on.  Go read Clare’s Blog on her feelings about the usage of the word “too.”  But seriously, we are living longer and longer these days.  Don’t you want to?  It’s been proven more times than Google has pages, that happier people live longer and healthier lives.  If you’re unhappy ask yourself why.  Then take changes to turn that frown upside down.


If you’re job is causing you stress, angst, displeasure:

  • What exactly is the stressor?
  • Can you pinpoint it?  Narrow it down to one or two or three things.
  • If its your commute then you don’t need to change your job.  Change the commute or how you spend time commuting.
  • If it’s your co-deskmate ask you boss to switch your desk, or invest in the top of the line headphones and rock on (or not but let people think you are).
  • Boss…what about your boss? Is it how they talk to you? How they treat you? Or just that you have a boss?  If it’s how they talk to you go to HR. Or have a meeting with them, and politely express how they are making you feel. Bosses can often change too. If you just don’t like working for a boss then take the steps to work for yourself!

If the stress is coming from a relationship with a friend, family member, or significant other, figure out:

  • Is it how they treat you?  Just be straight up.  Tell them: When you say or do this _______ it makes me feel like this______.  If they don’t get it, understand what you’re saying, or refuse to change, then you can remove yourself from the situation for a time period.
  • Is it how they treat themselves.  Tell them!  Seriously, people put themselves down all the time and it can be so hard to stand next to that. What kind of friend are we if we don’t help them see how awesome they are!

Maybe it’s your home, apartment or car:

  • What exactly is it about your abode that you don’t like?  If you really sit down and think about it, maybe a new rug or lamp will fix the inside.  Or a quick search online you might find your perfect haven.  If the problem is larger, work out what you might need to do to fix your frustration with your living situation.   Sitting around complaining about it and doing nothing to change it seems pretty silly don’t you think?  Unless you do something to change your situation, nothing will change.

If something is bothering you, or you hear yourself on repeat, figure out exactly what is the bother. Narrow it down. Then, ask yourself if it’s something you can fix or if you need to make a get away plan.  You are (or should be) the conductor of your train. Take back the control. Stop relinquishing it by blaming another person, place or thing. Go and do!


I am currently taking steps to rid a complaint from my life. The moment I made my game plan the moment a felt a huge weight off my shoulders and have found excess time in my busy schedule. I want that for each of you. Please feel free to share your experiences with Clare and me, either in the comments, or email us.  We’d love to help you rid that woe.


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Photo Credits: Alan Cleaver (stress eraser), Bernard Goldbach (eggs), !unite (strongman).

Just Keep Swimming 

Dori, in Finding Nemo, has the catchphrase: Just keep swimming. This might be one of my favorite go to’s when things don’t go as planned.  We all make plans, host parties, go on interviews, auditions and recently for me planning my wedding.  You know how it goes. You make a plan, envision how it will go. Then____ happens.  So, you have to go back to the drawing board.  This moment of everything falling apart is where you learn a lot about yourself; you can dig your feet in and stick tightly to your vision, or you open your mind up and see what options come your way.

This moment of everything falling apart is where you learn a lot about yourself.

Losing my wedding venue with an entire wedding planned down to everything was a SHOCK.  Actually, shock is a vast understatement.  But, I had to keep swimming. Each day that passed seemed to fly as my finger and I struggled and hustled to find a new venue for our quickly approaching wedding day.  Sure, we could email possible venues, but during a busy work week we both were not able to do all the footwork that it takes to find a venue, especially not with only a five weeks to go. The situation was more dire and filled with pressure anytime went on people who thought they were asking simple honest question “so, where’s the wedding?” Just made the situation feel more dire. I mean we were 5 weeks out and no venue in sight with a couple hundred people looking to celebrate. Huge pressure kept mounting.

What do I do? I just kept swimming! I smiled. I made a joke about the whole thing. We’ve got a wedding and no where to go–I would respond as chipper as I could muster.  It helped me get though the day.

Now, with a new venue on the books we are back in action. Working out the details and updating original plans. It’s going to be better than originally planned.

Swimming Tips:

1) Take a deep breaths. In fact take many. You’ll need them to keep you calm, strong and heading towards the destination.

2) Stay positive! Smile if you have to even if it’s hard. Smile harder. The simple action will help your mind feel more positive. There is a light and you will reach it. Just smile.

WHEN LIFE GETS CRAZY JUST SMILE | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

3) Take in all your surroundings. Swimming is not the same as putting your head in the sand. There’s lots to see and gets ideas from. Movement begets change–so if you get out there and look at all the possibilities, you will see that you’re not stuck.

4) Change it up! If freestyle isn’t working there are other strokes out there. The important thing is to take action. You’ll feel more in control of your situation.

So, I swam for four days. Made fun jokes along the way and was welcomed by so many great ideas from friends and even friends of friends. We have our venue and it’s turning out to be the best thing that could have happened.

Swim on and Smile my dears!


smiley thumb

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What to do When Sh*t Happens 

Last Tuesday while my father was working, he fell. A simple bump into a coworker has landed him sitting at home for at least 3 months. Ruptured a tendon that connects his quadriceps to the bone. Six weeks before walking me down the aisle.
About two weeks ago one of my clients started trying for another baby. She’s in the last year of really being able to carry another. She said her nanny is so amazing. She’s so good with her other kids it’s truly why this next one is even an option. Last week that nanny had to quit due to her own family struggles.
Last night 5 1/2 weeks until the Wedding my venue cancelled. Just like that. We have everything completed for the wedding. Every attendee has rsvp’d. Plane tickets purchased and hotels reserved. There will be 80 people, a bride and a groom, DJ, band, photographer, chef and all the trimmings ready to state vows, say “I Do” and dance the night away. Where will it be? Well, currently your guess is mine!

These stories are not meant to stress you out. I could list a dozen more but I think you’re getting the point. Sh*t just happens. There will be days, weeks even months where it feels like it is just coming in piles. Where it feels like you’re the only one. But the truth is you’re not the only one. Not a single one of us is free of bad Sh*t. If you currently are tackle that to do list, soak up the Rays and breathe in the fresh air. So, that when the next storm comes through you can handle it with grace, a smile and a f’ing good shovel.

When I heard about my latest wrench I went through a slew of emotions. Of course I wanted to get angry. But then what? The anger would waste the energy I needed to to take action. I wanted to cry. But then what? The tears would drop into my computer keyboard and I’d be in a worse state.
All I could do was take deep breaths and reach out to a few friends. Everything except death is pretty fixable. It also usually works out better in the end.

Everything except death is pretty fixable.

Before I tell you what happened here are the tips I used to get through:

  1. Breathe, as best you can focus on the inhales and exhales. How long or short are they? Are the in through your nose? Out through your mouth?  Just breathe. It’s not easy when it feels like your being knocked on your feet every time you stand up.
  2. Lay on the ground. Get grounded. Honestly it really helps take the anxiety away. It’s calming. I’m not saying you won’t cry but by being open and connected (not curled up) to the earth really helps you gain clarity.
  3. Cry if you have to. Do it. I was in shock when my pile appeared. It felt like the earth was ripped from under my feet. But after a good, hard cry I realized that once I got a new venue all would be well. The more you hold it in, the bigger you make the need to let it all go.
  4. Take action. After you’ve realized that the issues at hand are fixable take action. Or if you have to just wait it out then go do something that makes you busy. Takes your mind off it.
  5. Do not let this pile bring back otherwise dealt with piles. Don’t let this pile become the avalanche of all things going wrong. Focus on why you’re feeling the way you feel. Why does it feel like it all connected? Then again, take action. Action to either break up with that problem, bury it or fix it.
  6. Ask for help! We did and were given an idea that literally was key in solving our issue.

In the end we have a new venue. It’s going to be cooler than our original plan. We are back on wedding planning and loving it. Also, my friends car is fixed and the woman has 3 second interviews on nannies. My father is improving ahead of doctors expectations!


The thing is, you’re never alone in your crap. Your good friends will go through your crap with you. If they don’t…well check out Clare’s post on “breaking up with friends.”

Tell me when you felt the piles were all directed at you and what you did to dig out and up!


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5 steps to getting out of your own way

Recently, I was coaching a couple of studio managers.   They had complaints about their schedule; their teachers; their lives. They just didn’t feel they had enough time in the day to get things done. They felt they needed more help. Or, they were fearful that the job they have taken on cannot be done in the hours they have allotted.  Whether or not their complaints are valid or true,  doesn’t actually matter. Not that I am saying I don’t think complaints matter, or they their complaints don’t matter. Just that honestly, no job is perfect. Nobody is perfect, and no boss is perfect. Even if you work for yourself there are going to be people or things that F-up what you are trying to do.

I am going to tell you what I tell everyone who complains about life and work balance. Build your business around your lifestyle not the lifestyle around your business.  If you want to workout in the mornings, but your job is 8-5, you are either going to have to work out super early OR find a job that let’s you workout before work. If you want to be home when your kids are home, you are going to have to find work or create work that allows that. I know it sounds easier to read/say then it is to do. But, honestly, if you take the time to do it, you get to live the life you want to live.  And your job/business supports that.  Which is how it should be.  Your life shouldn’t be supporting your business; your business should be supporting your life.

See, I actually think getting upset or angry at a situation is a good thing. Get it out, say your complaints, write them down. Before you go crying on every persons shoulder that’s available, ask yourself: why are you complaining?  Is it really the co-worker who taps his feet on the wall at the desk next to you? Or is it that you just don’t like what you are doing? I listened to an interview James Altucher, author of Choose Yourself did with Gretchen Rubin…. who wrote The Happiness Project. She said that a women in her blog commented about hating her job and thinking of quitting. Before she did she asked herself some questions and her big complaint about her job was her commute. She hated her commute. Before quitting, she decided to listen to some books on tape during her commute. What happened next? She realized she really liked her job. It was just the drive in and out that drove her nuts. Now with the books on tape she was in heaven. She found herself listening in her driveway after work because she was so engrossed in the book. So, complain away if you must but again before going to friend after friend, co worker after co worker…tissue after tissue, find out why you are upset. What is truly the issue? Once you find the heart of the issue you can work on fixing that. Can you imagine what would have happened to our long commute listener if she had quit her job? She probably would have realized she left a job she loved but it would have been too little too late.

My dearest readers, I will repeat I am so ok with complaints. I listened to the managers above. I let them spend the whole time getting the “problems” off their chest. Then we got to the root of it. They had tried to fit their life, their kids their desires around their work. I challenged them to go home. Take out a blank calendar. Write in their desires first. Then create a work schedule around it. Does that mean major changes in their life? Maybe. Some clients may have to switch time slots or teachers. They may lose clients due to their new schedule and have to find clients to fit this new schedule. But, a few weeks from now when all that is put in place, they will be able to have their cake and eat it too. Will life be “happily ever after?” Can’t answer that, but I can promise that if they were honest with themselves when creating this new schedule even the bad stuff won’t seem so bad because they are living the lifestyle they desired.

Here’s how you can life your lifestyle:

1) What do you wish you had time to do each day, week, month?

2) Take out a blank weekly calendar

3) sharpie in the things you want time for each day, week, month

4) Put your work schedule in. Where their are overlaps ask yourself: “Can I move this work schedule to a different day, earlier or later?

5) If you can’t get your work schedule to jive with your hearts desires then you may have to search for another work option. Seek out something that will jive.  Don’t go quitting tomorrow but maybe you can begin to create your own business that allows for this. It will probably take time but a year from now you’ll be glad you started today.

So, tell me. What complaints do you keep repeating? Are you avoiding living the life you want to live so that you can continue to complain? Share your stories with us. Let us help you build your business around your desires.


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5 Things I’ve Learned From Moving (part 3)

This is part three.  For parts one and two, scroll down or go to   for part one and  for part two

3) Ask for help. I’m HORRIBLE at asking for help. I’m an only child, a very single woman, and a fierce female, so I’ve continually been told that I can handle anything on my own. To some extent this is true. However, this has told me a TERRIBLE lie all through my life: its NOT alright to ask for help when you need it, because you should be able to do this on your own. Woof. This one is a big one for me. Perception of others mixed with my own actions and self-sufficiency make it incredibly hard to ask for help, because others see I don’t need it. Well, tough cookie Clare. Be vulnerable. Take a breath. Ask for what you need. If people can, they will. I’m terrified at people saying no and having to do it all by myself, so its easier to just shoulder the burden alone and know where I am from square one, rather than to hear the no and be disappointed in my friends and have to still do it all by myself. This is such a dumb rationale. I repeat: Dumb. Rationale. So I texted friends. I asked people in person. I put a Facebook status up. Two people said yes. (Shew, that is half the trips up and down the stairs for me). Then the day before my move, two more friends said they were available for a couple hours here and there on the day….even LESS trips up and down the stairs for me. And better yet, people to laugh at and with me on the move day to make it go faster! Make yourself vulnerable: ask for help when you need it.  (And thanks again to everyone who helped me lift a box, move the van, or just told me to keep going.)

Come visit us tomorrow for part 4!