Nine ways to win at life

Advice. We all seek it until we don’t want it (which is when we actually need it). Its always changing too, both our needs of the advice and the actual advice. As we grow, or refuse to grow, the advice pool is always there. Here are some pieces of advice, that will help you win at life.

  • Worry. This is a must. Do it daily, because when you don’t worry, things don’t get done, or people get hurt, or life changing or threatening things happen. Worry fixes everything, and takes up very minimal brainwaves. So please, make sure to worry every day. Constantly, if possible.
  • Be Impatient. There is nothing that makes other people more happy to help you as when you are completely irrational and impatient—they know you have a schedule, and they know that you are the most important person/thing/happening in their life, so if you keep reminding them with your impatience, this will help you get what you need done.
  • Do everything at once. People who can’t do, multitask. If you try to do everything at once, you have the perfect excuse when you can’t finish anything. And if you get everything done while trying to do it at once, well, that is just a double win, now isn’t it?
  • Perfect perfection. Always focus on being the absolute best. Never settle for anything less. Ever. Never forgive yourself or others if perfection isn’t achieved daily.
  • Rudeness rules. Everyone else is so much less important than you are, and they just don’t understand your life, your needs or your time limits. So why not use rudeness, and pepper it with a LOT of sarcasm, so they understand who you are and will get out of your way so you can be that amazing person, and live your amazing life.
  • Focus on yourself. When you focus just on you, you understand yourself. You will always have to live with yourself, unlike everyone else. No one else has to live with you every day, so you’re the only one who knows what you need and when. Even if you don’t know. You can just sit there and focus on it and commiserate with yourself. Eventually everyone will realize that this is the best way to make yourself the best.
  • Throw everyone under the bus. Remember to get to number one, you have to get there first. If that means you have to pave the way with bodies, do it.
  • Know you’re perfect. Never try to learn anything new, make yourself better, understand others, grow, change, or delineate from your original self or plan. It only leads to destruction.
  • Never, ever, ever stop to breathe or take a moment. Woo-woo people who light candles and believe in things bigger than themselves take time to stop and breathe. You are on your way to winning at life, and your body does those things naturally, so why stop and take the time to do them?

If you’ve read this far, and stayed with me the entire way, I hope you are laughing. This was all sarcasm… To live a great life, do the OPPOSITE of all of these things. There is NO winning life. There is just LIVING life. Mistakes happen. We all get broken and bruised—but you just have to keep getting back up and trying again. Breathe. Be kind. Do the best you can. No one is perfect and we should STOP SEEKING perfection–it doesn’t exist.  Live your life for YOU, but don’t knock everyone down on your way. You’ll be much happier.

Xoxo–Clare

Goals Update 2016 #22 Clare

So… you know in Charlie Brown where he bangs his head against things when he is frustrated?…. yeah, I’m feeling that way this week.  My friend, This, That, and the Other Thang wrote an optimistic blog that made me feel a little more uplifted… but I’m still grouchy.

Finance- I feel like I’m ignoring like the annoying kid who keeps repeating the same thing over and over and over, trying to get me to look at him.

Fitness-I went to cycling class this week (I think this is like my 10th one this year–right, I know–for someone who was scared of it, and is crazy busy… its pretty good), and I got super dizzy after.  And I’m feeling so fat right now.  And its sooooo frustrating. (Charlie Brown head bang on table)

Book–see my commentary on fitness… although this one feels more like hide and seek… I keep running away, knowing that I need to do other things…. hoping my book doesn’t find me.

Organizing–I’m winning at something… I’ve got my room neat and tidy.  Well most days.  If you saw my little 8′ X 12′ room, and you know how much of a “stuff” person I am… you’d totally understand.

Agent–I had a big name national commercial audition this week… and did ANYONE watch the Tony’s OMG… LOVE that so many of the speeches were about achieving career greatness later in life.  Its coming… I just have to read my own blog on PATIENCE again.

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7 Secrets for Patience

I’ve heard it said many times that we are Human Doings, not Human Beings…which explains our lack of patience: we continually seek to do, not to be. Living in the moment is one of the most difficult tasks we have as thinking, thriving humans. But it is one of the most important.

I just saw one of those memes that said: Worry means you’re living in the past, Anxiety means you’re living in the future. Calm means you’re living in the moment. Really, patience is letting go of that anxiety and worry and focusing on the things that need your attention now. 

Patience is one of those essences that I seem to continually strive for, but am seen as someone who has a lot of. Truth is, it’s all about perspective and distraction. I feel like 1/8 of my life is sitting and waiting. So I’ve become good at entertaining myself, which to the outside observer makes me seem good at being patient. Truth be told, like a magician, it’s all about slight of hand to yourself.


Here are my secrets:
1) Resign yourself to it. Give in. Patience has to happen. Waiting will occur. Breathe. Shrug your shoulders. Give over the power and control to whatever deity you choose and say it in your most believable Ice Cube: Bye, Felicia.

2) Now that you’ve told whatever you’re waiting for, bye for now, focus on something else. I’m sure there are a million options to you sitting and staring at the situation to change. Go work on a hobby, go learn a new skill, go call friends/return emails/catch up, clean your home, read/write/watch TV, bake, sleep, basically turn your back on your waiting game and put all your focus elsewhere.

For example–I’m currently waiting to hear about an audition. It’s a very important one. A dream role. But I know I cannot show up and do my best work until someone else says they are available. This made me obnoxiously anxious for a few weeks–inside and out. I’d told a few people about it, and they are continually checking in with me, the one trying to wait patiently in the waiting room of my brain–which has no smooth jazz Muzak to soothe me.
3) Come to terms with, or realize, or acknowledge that for whatever reason, whatever deity or power doesn’t want this in your life right now. You can also say: whatever, FAIT. (I spelled it right. “Fuck All, I’m Tired.” F-A-I-T.)

This is kinda step one as well, but really, to be good at patience you have to hear that voice and constantly tell it to hush. That you’re busy in the moment, but you’re ready when the time comes. It’s just not the time yet.

4) Remind yourself that you’ve been patient before, you can definitely do it again. As Kimmy Schmidt said down in the bunker when turning the crank: I can do anything for 10 seconds. And when that 10 seconds is up I’ll do another 10. (As in: she survived the last amount of time, she can survive the next allotment).

5) Other than reminding yourself that you’re capable, don’t compare yourself to anyone else or even previous versions of yourself. Stories and myths of waiters like Job, Penelope, and even Sisyphus come to my mind a lot when I need to be patient–by the way if you need to go look up those references, go for it. I can wait!

Good you’re back–these are stories. Myths. If they did happen, their timeline and life is totally different from yours. Your timeline is even different from yours in the past. The last time I went to the DMV it was delightful, even though I waited for over 90 min.  It was agony the time before that, and I probably was the same or less time, but I set myself up to wait.  Which brings me to secret 6:

6) Prepare to wait.  Set yourself up to be patient.  To the DMV, I brought a snack, water, a fully charged phone and a book. I prepared to wait. I settled in and was actually annoyed when my number was called. Ha! I ALWAYS take a book to the post office these days–I know its going to be a wait, so I get ready for it.  Auditions ALWAYS have waiting.  I’ve just learned to keep a snack, a book, and a charger on me at all times–because you never know when you’ll have to be patient.

7) Don’t give whatever it is, the satisfaction when it finally arrives. Just pretend it’s a normal thing on a normal day. This will help your mindset and balance in the scope of the world next time you have to be patient.


Like anything else, patience takes practice, ESPECIALLY in our instant society. I now live for the ellipsis on text message to go away–I want my friends to finish their texts to me!!! But, time is a good thing. Living in the moment is a good thing. Patience is a good thing. Practice. Breathe. Bring yourself into this moment. The next one will come soon enough, a whatever you’re waiting for.

One of my favorite quotes from Rumi starts: Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves…

Good luck!

–Clare

6 ways to stop your waiting anxiety

You’ve focused on something. You’ve put something at stake. But for some reason, the passion and drive you’ve thrown into the proverbial “ring” isn’t being rewarded. As my roommate Shana aptly put it—“we always want what we can’t have. We live for the chase, and indulge in the glimpses of possibility.   We get a taste and only hunger for more when the adrenaline sets in.” Why is this? Why does it feel like we are continually waiting?

According to an article called The Psychology of Waiting, “unoccupied time seems longer than occupied time” and  waiting solo seems longer than waiting with a group. Its lonely-waiting.  Its also rough not getting this kind of attention or what you want, especially when it is so important to you. No matter what it is, a date, a job, a person to text you back, an apartment, a performance contract, it is hard waiting endlessly.  Sadly, a watched pot never boils.

In this exact moment in time, I am waiting to get an important work call. A friend is waiting to hear back from a job interview (and texting me relentlessly about it). Another friend is waiting to hear from a date that she had to see if his feelings are as strong as hers (and I’m fielding her texts, too). Even more friends are waiting to hear back about auditions they had to see if they booked work. It seems like everyone I know is waiting on something. Waiting is the most aggravating thing in the world. I’m not Catholic, but purgatory seems much worse than any other option.


Waiting is the most aggravating thing in the world.


I usually find myself going stir crazy when I’m just waiting. I am not good at just sitting and doing nothing. The watched pot doesn’t boil, so you have to go off and do something else, and let the rest take care of itself. Eventually the rest of the world will catch up to you and come through for you, but until then, you just have to get through the waiting.

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How to get through this:

1)   No matter the situation you have to stop focusing on it. All of your attention on it will only make it seem bigger, more important, and more detrimental when you don’t get what you want. Also it makes the time drag by.

2)   Put your focus somewhere similar. If it’s a job you’re applying for, go send out more applications to other jobs. If it’s a text you’re waiting for, go put your energy towards another person; how long has it been since you called your parents? If it’s a living situation, go look at other places. Putting your energy into similar things, pulls energy toward you. Think of it as this: When kids are in the sandbox, everyone wants the pail so they can make castles, but if one kid decides he doesn’t want the pail anymore and then starts using the shovel and starts making his own pile of sand with the shovel, then the focus starts to be on the one who is making progress. Eventually, most will abandon the focus on the pail, leaving it up for grabs. They’re all still in the sandbox, they’re all still making sand castles, but the need for the pail is lifted, making it available.

3)   Realize the first step is that you have no control over other people and the way the world turns. You just don’t. Give it up to whatever diety you believe (or don’t believe) in. Know that you have no control, no matter how long you stare at your phone, or refresh your email, or watch the clock tick. You just don’t have control. And that’s ok. Just breathe. Life will go on either way.


You just don’t have control. And that’s ok. Just breathe. Life will go on either way.


4)   Don’t plan your life around it. Continue to live. Go out with friends, go to the gym, go plan a menu and go grocery shopping. Don’t sit and marathon tv shows!! Get moving! If you sit around just waiting for something to do, time drags, and you’ll continually think about how nothing is happening. Create movement. You’ll attract movement as well… so maybe if you get out and do things, what you’re waiting on will sense the movement and start moving, too.

5)   Focus on yourself. In this time that you’re waiting, think about things to do for yourself, or that you need to accomplish. Do you want to do a facemask? Reorganize your junk drawer? Make appointments for personal things? Go focus on you! If you make yourself important, and you view yourself that way, others will too! You will attract the energy. So go focus on yourself for a bit!

6)   Know that whatever is happening to halt the incoming has nothing to do with you. I mean it does because you want it, but there are other people and other factors in the world. There are other people and other factors in play. We just have to wait for other people to take care of their business or lives, and then get back to us. They might be reading over lots of applications, or working, or having their own crisis. Just because they’re not getting back to you doesn’t absolutely mean that they’re antagonizing you on purpose or need more from you. Just leave them be! They’ll get back to you when they can.

Desire is great; it drives us. Adrenaline powers us, but at the same time it can make life worse. If you’re not getting what you want, just keep moving forward. It might not be the right time for what you want. I’d love to keep writing… but my work call came in, because I focused on something else. So, I’ve got to go, but let us know what you’re secret to beating waiting is, below!

–Clare

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