Opportunities

There is a huge theme in the dating world:  Meeting the elusive “One” that you’re meant to spend your life with.  Here is the truth I believe in: Everyone gets a shot, a chance, an opportunity to be with anyone they meet. DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES AT THIS PAGE! Hear me out:

Recently a letter went around Facebook from “Your Future Mate”. If you haven’t read it, here is the link:    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5195511 The letter states why “The One” hasn’t found you yet and sites examples like: They are with the wrong one now; they are still hanging on to what they “think” they want; they are not ready for you yet.

That last one might be my more favorite one. It’s also part of my point. Everyday we meet people. We are set up on dates, we swipe right on Tinder (or maybe it’s left or a double tap? I’ve never used it) or search Facebook and other web pages for a connection. We go on dates and make up excuses as to why it “didn’t work:” “They were great but not what I am looking for.” “Too busy” or “just out of a relationship” and or “Not ready for a relationship.”

Well guess what? If we are not our best selves at the time, if we are not “ready” to be vulnerable and let someone into our world. The connection is missed, at least for now. Maybe even for good.  Sometimes, these connections revisit you later in life. Like my most recent “revisit.”

When I was a freshman in college, I was in lust with a junior. He was the Resident Advisor of my friend’s floor in our dorm, and I just had to have him. I would find any reason to go to my friend’s floor during “visiting hours.” I about died when he showed up at my dorm one night. He had to like me back, right? One night around 2am, I walked past the offices below the dorms. There he was. My crush.  Working on a paper. He saw me, got up and met me at the door to chat. I stood there willing with my mind, talking with my eyes, hoping against hope that he would invite me into that office. I know I am aware that had he invited me in, we just would have had sex and we most likely would not have dated. However, in my 18-year-old mind, sex at that moment would be amazing. We liked each other, but we were in a place where we could be caught (Christian school…so definitely not something looked highly upon). Also happened to be the office of the Resident Director (his boss) and the person who makes RA’s enforce the no sex policy (obviously, that made it more enticing).

Instead, none of that happened. No invite, no kissing, no passionate on-top-of-a-desk in an office of the very person who could have kicked us out of school sex. Life went on, semesters passed, and he married another girl.

Then, last week thanks to the wonders of the internet, he found me. Added me as a friend and then called me. Yes, it was lovely to catch up, reminisce. But, when he eluded to us hanging out, hooking up etc…I sat there and knew in my gut the answer was no. In my heart the answer was: No, too bad we didn’t do it 10 years ago. My head’s answer was: he missed his chance.  Back then, he totally could have had me. But, the opportunity passed us (well mostly him).

So, what does my trip down memory lane mean for you? Simple, really. In order for you to be with your true counter-part three things need to happen: you need to know who you are, what you want, and why you need it. Who you are.  What you want.  Why you need it.  When you do, when the opportunity presents itself 1) you will recognize it 2) you will be your best, loved and respected self.  And that amazing person who is right for you will be excited to be part of your life.  If you don’t know these three things, the opportunity will occur anyway, but you will not be ready.  You may miss this chance to be with someone who is equal to your BEST self.

Stop wondering where the “good” ones are.  Instead, start LOVING yourself.  Figure out who you are.  Make yourself the best version of you that you can be. Stop second-guessing yourself and FIND yourself instead.  Currently you might feel like you are missing opportunities.  You probably are because you are not being you.  If you are yourself, these won’t seem like missed opportunities because you’ll know how to field them. When you know who you are, and are your best self, you could meet your partner in crime tomorrow.  It could be something as simple as loving yourself today and going for a latte leads to meeting the right person.

What would that be like to attract exactly what you want and deserve?  Guess what, it’s not a unicorn. “The One” exists but you have to be ready to strike when the iron is hot—which means making sure you’re in the best place to receive it.  We here at Live ClareLesley are going to continually repeat this until you are so tired of hearing it that you’re putting it in to practice: live your life and be the best version of yourself instead of actively seeking out another person to complete you.  “The One” will be a complimentary entity of you, not complete you (sorry, Jerry Maguire).  So, are you ready?

LL

 

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First Kisses or The Search for Perfect Moments

Yesterday, one of my dearest clients excitedly told me about running into a friend she’s known for 50 years. The reason it was so exciting was the guy was her first kiss. As a total romantic at heart I live for these stories. Hers went like this: she was thirteen and playing spin the bottle. It landed on this man (well boy at the time), and they went into the closet and counted until 10 so it would seem they were in the closet longer. After counting, they kissed. So cute!

It’s not the most romantic story in the world—or at least it isn’t how Hollywood or fictional authors would paint it. Was it the boy she wanted the bottle to land on? Nope. But, is it ever?

Her story sent me on a trip down memory lane. My first kiss was unexpected and not at all whom I wanted it to be from. Laughing at the memory, I decided to share with you, as it is not only a testament to me, but also a story about striving for perfection. I was at a track tournament and was hanging out in the team tent after I had just finished my events. I am flirt by nature and was chatting up the guys. I was being myself—which by the way we believe is a LiveClareLesley trait you should always live by. I jokingly was reaching across this guy on my team to coyishly reach for something. Our faces so close, millimeters from each other. He, being a hormonal young man, jumped at the opportunity I didn’t realize I was offering him. He leaned forward to broach that nominal gap I had just created and kissed me. Smack on the lips. Of course, it lasted barely a second but it felt like time had stood still. My brain was working a mile a second. I pulled back, smiled, and ran out of the tent. Ironically, I realize now that at a track tournament, I ran away from my first kiss.
Later, on the bus my thoughts were going in so many different directions, my head was spinning. My 15-year-old brain was trying to take this all in. The scene I had been a part of was NOT how I envisioned my first kiss. It certainly wasn’t how Julia Roberts was kissed in Pretty Woman on the balcony. Wasn’t after a first date on my porch. It was in a tent with others around. From a boy I liked, but wasn’t completely attracted to him, and wasn’t desirous to date him.
When we arrived back at school, I got off the bus and saw the hottest most popular senior at school. He, true to stereotype, was just leaving detention. He saw me too and we struck up a conversation. My heart started to race a bit: a true hot bad boy and we were talking!! This was who I actually wanted to be my first kiss!
Determined to rewrite history (it was the same day, and Bad Boy and Track Runner have the same name) I grabbed his hand, took him behind the science building and I kissed him. Yes, it was great! Yes, it lasted longer than a second. Yes, as am adult I’m aware I kissed two boys in one day and that probably wasn’t a good road to begin my romantic/sexual behaviors. However, I wanted to take back what I thought was mine! My first kiss shouldn’t it be mine to decide to give out?
At the time, it was a big deal to me.   Now, literally double my years later I realize it was just a moment; an experience and not something to be so worked up about. One that I hadn’t really thought about until my client told me her story.

There are many times in life, and many goals we set out to accomplish, that I think we build up to be this amazing, PERFECT moment. One thing, or one moment, that will determine all others. However, you are only in charge of you. Or, at least you should be so, check on that today. Things, life, kisses… don’t always happen the way you dream or plan. In the moment, they are incredibly important. At the time I thought the most important thing was that kiss. I can’t even remember how I did at the track tournament—and I’m a personal trainer, I should care more about the fitness aspect of that day!! But, 16 years later, those kisses, those boys, that LACK OF A MOMENT OF PERFECTION didn’t determine the route I’m on today. I did! I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I love it and I’m going to live it.
So, when was a moment you wanted perfection but felt it didn’t go as you planned? Looking back, was it the big deal you thought?

–LL