101 pieces of advice

We started out this blog, 99 posts ago (a whole year and a half ago), because we are told we give good advice and are always asked for it. Self-proclaimed, self-help junkies—we love and absorb ideas, knowledge and advice. We both love to expand the mind, quest for happy living, and search for analysis and reasoning in human behavior. Here are our 101 favorites from our blog, and from a few of our favorite bloggers (note that if you want to read more, just click the link at the end of each quote!):

  1. “OWN being in transition.”  Transitions
  2. “Help yourself out. Sort through all the issues in a simple and effective way: Make a list.”  Regain Control of your life- Make a list!
  3. “Things, life, kisses, don’t always happen the way you dream or plan.” First Kisses
  4. “Change needs to happen. Not all of it is drastic. Sometimes little change is good. It keeps you on your toes.” Patterns vs Change
  5. “You already know the answers.”  Breaking up was RIGHT to Do
  6. “It’s completely OK to know what you want but not want it now.” Don’t want it now
  7. “You really don’t need to keep things. Really.”  5 things I have learned from Moving
  8. It doesn’t matter where you lay your head, as long as you have a place to lay it.5 things I have learned from Moving
  9.  Be vulnerable. Take a breath. Ask for what you need. “ 5 things I have learned from Moving
  10. “… remember to breathe through the painful moments and just keep moving forward. If nothing else, you’ll figure it out as you go.” 5 things I have learned from Moving
  11. “Like any good relationship, a good friendship brings out the best in ourselves.  If you’re not seeing your best, you’re not in the right relationship anymore.” Growing out of Friends
  12. “Its time we make connecting in real life a trend again!”  Eye to Eye
  13. “Cut out the excess chatter and find that peace within.” Text-a-Bitch
  14. “It’s tough out there but don’t try giving advice that 1) wasn’t asked for 2) puts your friend in a place that makes her second guess herself 3) that isn’t leading to a positive feeling towards oneself.” No more projections please
  15. “‘No’ is a full sentence.” The Olsen Twins said that.  Basically…life’s too short to do anything you don’t want to do, or anything that makes you uncomfortable. You always have a choice.–Honestly Libby’s Blog
  16. “A flirt is really just a compliment of you being alive and in this spot at this moment.” Flirting: A How To Guide 16332829367_ddb088af60_k
  17. As cliché as it sounds, love will happen when you least expect it… The most important thing to do is make sure you are living a full life. Fill your days and nights with the things you love, your passions, your family, your friends. Don’t wait for love to happen.–This That and The Other Thang’s Blog
  18. “…. do it with bells on—figuratively that is.” Duty Dating
  19. “Statistics are like a bikini – what they show is interesting but the important stuff is covered up! In a world where we rely heavily on data, it’s people who are at the heart of what really matters and numbers can paint a very different picture, whether good or bad.”– Aloada Bobbins’s Blog
  20. “We all have our lists of wants and needs in a mate. If you don’t experience it in the flesh how do you know its something that is a deal maker or breaker.” Duty Dating
  21. Treat dating as a hobby. If you’re too busy with life, or not having fun, stop. Don’t stop your life, just do it in your spare time. First, dating should never be your number one priority.”  Duty Dating
  22. “Whatever happens, we are responsible for our own happiness and success.”– Lessons From My Daughter’s Blog
  23. “Truth sometimes hurts, but lies are ultimately more painful. Let’s stop lying to each other and make this a more truthful world.” Lying: is it really worth it?1438336432_0904c3f0be_o
  24. “..not every date will be someone you want to date again. It’s nice to set boundaries until the date becomes the partner.” Whats in a Name? 
  25. “Maybe you want to be distracted by a 6 out of 7, but 7’s and 7 Plusses do exist, and are out there for the finding.” Move On From a “No”
  26. “If you want it and are willing to work for it, you can make it happen!  “It” can be anything.”–Lessons From My Daughter’s Blog
  27. “The thing about callings is that once you’re called you have to answer!” Leap of Faith
  28. “Chances of winning the lottery are increased significantly by actually buying a ticket.”–Suzie Speaks’ Blog
  29. “If you want to buy fancy undies, or fancy wine, or have a fancy shave: do.” Am I an Amy
  30. “It’s wonderful if they call, it’s great if they take you out, but if you’re not being introduced to friends or other people in their lives after a month or so, there is a reason.” Professing
  31. “…forgiveness isn’t letting down the protection walls. Its more of the mental version of just releasing unneeded tension and relaxing your shoulders.”  How to Apologize to Yourself
  32. “Only tell others things that you wouldn’t mind the rest of the world knowing unless they have consistently proven that they are trustworthy.”–Suzie Speaks’ Blog
  33. “…acting like a queen means watching and kicking lots of jester’s to the curb but one day your king—do not settle for a prince!—will show up.” RESPECT
  34. “You can change anything in your present.  You can take steps to cure your own unhappiness.” Stick Your Neck Out
  35. “Sex one time or multiple times does not a mate make. If you’re having sex to land a mate…” The Best Sex
  36. “My advice for you is dream big.  Work that dream backwards until you have something “small” to work with.” Climbing the Career LadderSONY DSC
  37. “…moving and doing creates options.”  Round Peg Square Hole
  38. “…the excuse “he/she is not my type” is out the window. If you’re single and alone, its obvious your type hasn’t exactly gotten you a home run. So, try on a different pair of ‘jeans’.” Because He ASKED
  39. “If something makes you want to scream, it’s the absolute wrong answer. Step back. Put the item down.”  Holiday Sanity
  40. “Desire: the sexy Live ClareLesley way to prepare you for a positive path for your future! It’s the Fuck Yes way to set your “goals”. If you don’t desire the outcome, it’s a Fuck No!” Desire
  41. “Happiness is ALWAYS just a perspective.” Happiness
  42. “Sudden change of who you are shouldn’t happen just because the calendar changed, but instead because you want to become a better, upgraded version of your current self.”  New Year, Same You: Upgraded
  43. “Once you start sneaking in the time to create, you’ll start making time for yourself to create.” Competitive Progress
  44. “Get off that “woe is me” train! Grab you happy side up ticket and drink a glass of Self Love.” In Your Social Face
  45. Make your own damn plans.”  Valentines Survival
  46. “Shed those red flag preventing glasses and see your own wants, desires, happiness.”  Red Flags
  47. “Don’t make yourself smaller for a mistake.” Stop Saying I’m Sorry
  48. “ANYONE that you kiss, sleep with does NOT a Relationship make.” Sex with Friends
  49. “Remember, the right one isn’t “out there” but instead is inside of you.”  How to be Single
  50. “You’re exactly where you need to be right now. Isn’t that Amazing?” Climbing the Career Ladder
  51. “We decide when we want something to be done, and we arbitrarily pick dates and times and abilities that we think we should be able to do.” New Year: Same You. Upgraded
  52. “Remember, breathing is the opposite of nerves—if there is plenty of good warm breath in your stomach, there aren’t room for butterflies!”  Nerves: Squish Those Butterflies
  53. “You rest, you rust! Seriously. When I think about rust I remember this old wheelbarrow out in the back yard where I grew up. Do you really want to become and old wheelbarrow?”  Love the Skin You’re In
  54. “…dating should be fun. It should be treated as a hobby. No one freaks out about or overthinks yarn, book club, or collecting stamps.” Dating:  Straightforward From the Beginning
  55. “Texting does not a relationship make.” No Waiting Dating
  56. “Get your face out of your phone. Actually talk to people, see what happens.” Crying wolf on social media
  57. “Sometimes we set goals and then we grow out of them. Luckily we write goals on paper, not in stone.” How To Stop Avoiding Your Goals
  58. “How do you fight the distortion?  Fight it with truth. Get down to the nitty gritty. Get naked.  Find a full length mirror you trust, and take it all off.” Love Your Skin Now
  59. “It’s nice that someone is contacting you. Wallpaper is nice my friends; your relationship should not be just nice.”  Texting is not a relationship
  60. “If you don’t eventually demand your worth, people will think you’re worthless, or worse, take advantage of you.” What Is Your Worth?
  61. “Sometimes the dream we have had in our head since childhood isn’t the one we really want to achieve.” 5 questions to help you focus your dreams
  62. “You are a beautiful snowflake, and you travel however you want to.” Age–Does It Really Matter? 11445631923_df52846c49_o
  63. “Be ok with changing your timeline.” Are you in a trough of sorrow?
  64. “It is great to be altruistic, but you have to take care of yourself if you are going to be any good to anyone else.” Rest IS good for you
  65. “Just like a stockbroker doesn’t put all his money in one companies stock. Don’t out all your stock in dating online. Keep yourself available to meet people multiple ways.” 5 ways to change up your dating game
  66. “I will survive my crisis. You will survive yours.” How to survive your own personal hell
  67. “Your life shouldn’t be supporting your business; your business should be supporting your life.” 5 steps for getting out of your own way
  68. “Even if you walked the same path, at the same speed as another person, you would have a completely different experience. If you open up your eyes and have no expectations, you’ll have enjoyed the journey much more; you see more, experience more, gain more.” Age–Does It Really Matter?
  69. “Slowly progress into the schedule you need to hit the goals you have.” Love the Skin You’re In
  70. “What do you really want? Re-tailor your life to that dream!” 5 questions to help you focus your dreams
  71. “Go, picture the life you want to live, ignore the negative voices, try something new and have fun while doing it.” I Said Yes
  72. “Understand you are not on a timeline/time crunch/expiration.” 8 tips to survive your friends wedding announcements
  73. “Be careful what you say: your brain is listening.” Be careful the things you say: Your brain is listening
  74. “Love the person, leave the label off, and let your expectations and demands on a relationship fall away.” Labels are for Soup, Not People
  75. “You will not die from rejection.  The odds are better than any other form of gambling.” Just Ask Already
  76. “Build your business around your lifestyle not the lifestyle around your business.” 5 Steps to get out of your own way
  77. “You are never “too” anything… so stop thinking that way!!” Why the word “Too” is just an excuse
  78. “That is the first thing you have to understand and realize is that all “single” means is that you’re not in a pair.  It doesn’t mean that you’ll always be–unless you choose it.” How To Be Single
  79. Wouldn’t you rather be your own original story? Knockoffs and remakes are rarely as exciting as the original.” How to deal with a barrage of green grass 2680294816_e710a43d3b_b
  80. “Partners take time. Just like friendships take time. They deserve to take time. Like a fine wine, tea or beer…fermentation is a good thing.” Sex with Friends
  81. “Focus on yourself. In this time that you’re waiting, think about things to do for yourself, or that you need to accomplish.” 6 Ways to Stop Your Waiting Anxiety
  82. “Stay Hydrated. Drink in lots of self love, big picture thinking and how this storm will prepare you for the future.”  5 tips to beat the heat of life
  83. “Don’t value the actual money more than you value time.” What is your WORTH
  84. “Don’t create realities that aren’t really happening.” Make like a Blondie Song and Call Me
  85. “Breathing may be difficult, but you’re the only one who can control that. So it is up to you to keep breathing and keep moving on.”  How to Survive Your Own Personal Hell
  86. “You are in control of your life and your thoughts. Remember you have choices.”  5 tips to beat the heat of life
  87. “Maybe you’ll succeed. Maybe you’ll fail. No matter what you’ll try something new and you’ll learn something.” How writing a novel made me a better person
  88. “The thing is, you’re never alone in your crap.”  What to do when Shit Happens
  89. “Forget about “you only live once.” You only die once, and its getting closer every day.”  How to Face your Big Fears
  90. “Change it up! If freestyle isn’t working there are other strokes out there. The important thing is to take action. You’ll feel more in control of your situation.” Just Keep Swimming
  91. “Remember the beginning is always slow, but you have to just slog through it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you’ll get there eventually.”  How writing a novel made me a better person
  92. “Take a look around you. Say a general thank you to the positives in your life.”  The Power of Thank You
  93. “Let’s stop being virtual recluses!  Go forth and have conversation.” Make Like a Blondie Song and Call Me
  94. “Being yourself, having fun and making eye contact are all things that attract someone to you and your personality.” Could your next date be at the grocery store?
  95. “Sitting around complaining about it and doing nothing to change it seems pretty silly don’t you think?  Unless you do something to change your situation, nothing will change.”  How to Let It Go2512983749_ee38b41e0d_b
  96. “By creating a new schedule for yourself the bad stuff won’t seem so bad because you are living the lifestyle you desire.”  5 Steps to Getting Out of Your Own Way
  97. Make mistakes. Make choices. Take chances.How to Listen to Life Lessons
  98. “I understood that I would be even more unhappy and unfulfilled in my life, which would actually be worse than the possibility of failure and the humiliation.”  How to Face Your Big Fears
  99. Being kind only takes a moment of time, but it will earn you moments, hours, and years.–Clare
  100. The true definition of luck is when preparation meets opportunity. You can be the luckiest person in the world if you want to be.–LL
  101. Go out and be great.  Or at least enjoy the ride!–LCL

Thank you!  Here is to hundreds more blogs, stories, and pieces of advice!

xoxo–Clare and LL

If you have a comment scroll down past the tags below (or up, if you’re on the main page), or email us at liveclarelesley@gmail.com   We LOVE your feedback!!   Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for DAILY inspiration!

Photo credits–all photos from Flikr Creative Commons: 100 (by Ash); lightbulb (by Beat Kung); Create (by Dana Bateman); Truth (by T); Snowflakes (by MayYeo); Dream Big (by Heidi); Ant Heart (by uditha wickramanayaka)

Crying Wolf On Social Media

My dog died. (Sorry, horrid way to start out a blog…but there it is). Actually, it’s not my dog he belongs to a really close friend, but I’ve known him since college, so it feels like he was mine–like a furry cousin or nephew that I used to see a lot. He was old. Lived a good life. Was loved so very much. 

When I got the call about the news, I had three reactions:
1) I can’t believe he’s gone
2) I wish I could cure the deviation being felt
3) I need to post it on social media.
Whaaaaat?  Ok. The first two are normal. The third has become the norm. But why?
Social media, like anything else, has so many positives, but it also has its negatives.  It allows us to connect and reconnect and network with so many people. I can see pictures of new babies from across the island, I can see accomplishments and exciting news of friends scattered across the country, I can see updates from the other side of the world. Instant private views and news. Unfortunately, it also allows over shares, and created co-dependence. It brings up the adage: if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?  The problem is, everyone wants to make sure that they’re heard, even stranded and in a forest of our own making.
Cellphones allow the same thing. Don’t get me wrong–I couldn’t live without my smart phone–I’ll try to turn it off for a day, and only last a few hours (Candy Crush, I can’t quit you). I have a love hate relationship with my phone. With the ability and possibility to need and be needed by hundreds nee thousands of people at any given moment of the day. (Phenomenal cosmic power; itty bitty living space. Anyone?)
Let me go back to the dog…when I got the news I was talking with one best friend, and I was about to meet up with a second best friend (I believe in lots of friends and many best friends; at least for myself.) Mid phone conversation, the text came through. I started bawling. I was still talking to phone friend and meetup friend rang my buzzer. I told both friends all of my feelings and sadness. Amidst all of this I wanted, no NEEDED to tell the world via social media what happened.
Why? Why did I need to tell my 1006 “friends” when I had two right in my reach?  Two genuine people. Two people who know the responses which soothe me most. Two that would actually hug me.
I have to tell you, it itched, the need to post my sorrow. How would people know the reason I wasn’t myself?
So, are you reading this crazy thought and shaking your head at me??? I’m shaking my head re-reading it. (A little side truth…I started this blog almost 6 weeks ago and am polishing and revising now.  Seriously?!?  Why did I feel that need?). Well, I felt the need because I wanted to connect. I wanted to reach out, and be reached out to. In this fast world, we still need a human connection. Even if it’s just a “like.”  This fell under the co-dependence AND over sharing headings.
There is such comfort in knowing we are not alone. But at the same time, it’s mildly creepy we allow people to stalk us. It really is an odd phenomenon. We allow people to know details about our lives that are relative strangers, or are strangers. I still can’t get over people walking up to me on the street that I vaguely know, and asking me how some life event was…because they saw me post about it on social media.
Now, let me be clear–I love social media. I think it’s a great forum. It’s amazing to find friends again that were lost and are now found. It’s great to connect with people who were once a part of my life in different cities–my California peeps, my relatives, my semester in London. But, it’s when we become dependent, addicted, if you will to social media that it’s the issue.
My Facebook app was on the second row right hand side of my iPhone for years.  It was easily accessible. In one quick tap, I could look anyone up.  Facebook became my go to when waiting for anyone…I’d hop on when I was bored, lonely, or even just wanting to space out. I found myself rechecking Facebook five minutes after I had just checked it. Nothing new in the news feed. And it was worse when I had a crush on someone or was dating them…I was a mild stalker. (Don’t judge.  I’m sure you have some bad social media habits, too). I’d even do this to my friends when they were too delayed in texting me back–where were they, if they checked in at a movie, I’d know that why wouldn’t text back for a few hours; but if they weren’t checked in anywhere, there was no excuse for not responding. WHOA!!!!! What?  Stalker much?  I’ll admit it.  And then there was a moment I went crazy because of Facebook…A friend went AWOL for days. I checked Facebook, and a picture of him doing something silly, having a smile on his face popped up. I LOST it. He could post on Facebook but not respond to a question I had sent him via text 4 days before???  I cried. I was angry. I wanted to text him mean and angry things. Luckily, my sensible side kicked in. Who knows when that picture was taken? Maybe then. Maybe weeks ago. Maybe he, like me during my dog death time, needed to show the world how he wanted to be seen in the moment he posted. Who knows. The thing is, my overreaction came from the thought that I felt like he thought all of his Facebook friends deserved to see that he was happy more than he thought I deserved a response. He needed the attention of his 1006 friends on Facebook (I don’t know how many he really has…I just like the number 1006 to describe number of Facebook friends. Because who in real life has the time to keep up with 1006 friends?!?) In that moment he needed that attention, more than he needed the attention of one of his best friends. (Remember when I mentioned co-dependence up above…?)
We’ve sat down and dealt with all of that–but the point is that both he, and I during my dog time, felt the need to tell everyone instead of being “old fashioned” and just talking through our feelings with a nearest and dearest.
This incident, and more my overreaction to it, made me take a week off of Social media. It actually stretched to 10 days–I was quite proud. I missed a birthday party, the death of a friend, and something else that was really big at the time, but I can’t seem to remember what it was. The thing is, I found out about them through other people. Eventually. My life went on. The first few days were rough. I ended up moving the app into a folder, moved it to the fourth page of my apps, and the second page of the folder. So it took me three swipes, a tap, and another swipe to enter the realm of Facebook. Actually, it still does. And I use it less. And life goes on.
I now check maybe once a day. And it’s kind of blissful. People know how to find me. I know how to find people if I’m having a rough day.  My friend (the one who “inspired” the hiatus) and I talked out the situation. He doesn’t know the picture on Facebook was the catalyst. But it doesn’t matter. I cried. I wanted to cry about my “wolf” dying. Instead of taking it to the masses, I took it to genuine friends.
Social media is great to reach out. I’m not saying “don’t use it.”  But remember that “social” is defined as: interaction that is enjoyable. Needs, burning desires, stalkings, and the like, aren’t enjoyable. Think about how you post and browse. Is it truly social?  I have had a “posting policy” for the last few years: unless something will positively effect, I don’t post it.  How do your posts rate to that? Are you more negative or positive?  Maybe you need to take the week challenge and see how your life changes (or goes back to normal)!  Get your face out of your phone. Actually talk to people, see what happens.  If you need more convincing, read this article about relationships and social media.  Use social media for good, not evil!
–Clare
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